Lotti and the Spoon
by K a t r i x a
Summary: Challenge fic. Jack is preparing breakfast for Glen, Lotti believes he's up to something even though Jack denies it. Pointless Crack Fic. Spoons, perversion and the meaning of "Playboy" abound. Slight Glen/Jack if you squint.


**A/n: **Happy April fools guys. This is a nightmare to write. I don't know what hit me, but it did and here it is. I'm quite pleased with how it turned out and I must say its amazing what no sleep can do to you o xo Challenge story from Val-Creative.

**Disclaimer: **K-chan does not own Pandora Hearts and therefore asks you to not sue her in any shape or form.

**Warnings: **Jack's sexiness, Lotti's perverted mind. Enjoy.

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Something was up; there was no doubt about it. Jack was up to something and what that was she did not know but when she did find out she would use it against him. Jack however remained as innocent and carefree as possible; it was almost 10am when Glen said he would be up for breakfast. Jack smiled at the thought of his lazy friend and grinned. He looked to Lotti innocently and smiled, causing her to shiver and glare.

"You're up to something!"

"Me? Nonsense Lotti," he said innocently enough.

The girl did not rest easy, in fact that grin of his made her all the more sure he was going to do something. Of course Jack knew Lotti couldn't calm down and so he made his way over, a gentle smile gracing his features as he lifted her chin up, leaned in and brushed his lips ever so softly against her own before pulling away and smiling gently.

"I'm not up to anything at all, Lotti. I'm just for once genuinely happy because I get to see Glen today, alright?"

A blush dusted itself along her cheeks as she raised her hand to touch the lips he just touched. Her face turned an impressive shade of red. No way…her Glen…her Glen and this…this fool?! TOGETHER?! WHAT WAS THIS NONSENSE?!?!

"WHAT?!"

Jack grinned again and fell over laughing. Poor unknowing Lotti and that perverted brain of hers.

"Just what do you plan on doing with my Glen?!"

"Nothing, my dear," he said politely, body shaking with giggles as he stood up. "Nothing at all, Now then my dear sit and let me get you some cereal."

"What's cereal?"

"Something I picked up from some weird girl with glasses. She looked to be giggling massively over something and so I kind of nicked it from her. It's supposed to be healthy for you!" He said. Lotti rolled her eyes.

"And you have no idea it could be poisoned?"

"Well if it is that's one less competition for Glen," said the almost inaudible voice as Jack's eyes glazed over, a dark grin on his face as he glanced to the side. Lotti shivered at the look. He was definitely up to something!

"Whatever."

Who was she to argue? Jack was the most infuriating man ever who just left you wondering what the hell went on his brain. He was too nice, too playful, to free spirited obviously he was hiding something dark. No man or person could be so truly content with life it just wasn't normal! Well then again she supposes "normal" can mean many things when defined by different people. Lotti glared. She hated having her mind confused. She was a simple girl with a simple mind and complex if not a bit simple emotion wise and; as such, she deemed that Jack was too much of an annoyance and could not wait for the day when he disappeared off the face of the earth. With his beautiful eyes and that gorgeous blond hair…the smile…that beautiful and lean body that seemed to be filled with the carefree gentleness of a child…

"You're blushing, Lotti perhaps you are thinking of me?" He asked, leaning over her, tipping her chair back so his face was above hers. She glared at him.

"As if you dumb pretty boy Just because you're a big man whore doesn't mean everyone has to fawn over you!" She said, hoping to derail that annoying ego of his. As if she thought him anything special like her beloved Glen was.

"Oh that's too bad then," he said letting go of her chair, causing her to fall backwards, let out a few not lady like words and gave Jack the best view of the girl he had seen in a long time. What a lovely and supple body. Lotti glared and spluttered and spazzed as she fixed herself right and threw a spoon at him.

Jack caught the spoon and started to chew on it thoughtfully as he watched her try to recover from the nasty fall he made her go through. Really the child was just such a joy to pick on, like Gilbert and his brother Vincent. They were just adorable to tease and this girl was no exception. Lotti watched him as he chewed on the spoon, eyes transfixed as those perfect "come kiss me" lips started to suck gently on the spoon, his tongue licking it thoughtfully. He was just sucking and chewing on it in a way one would as if eating a lollipop so he had no intention of it coming off as anything more then innocent. Then again this was Jack we are talking about.

Lotti couldn't help herself as she stared at him, watching the way he sucked on the spoon sensually, tasting it and purring some in contentment. Lotti must have been not feeling well because she was feeling hot. So incredibly hot. Jack continued to nom harmlessly on the spoon, a bit of drool working its way down the corner of his mouth, sliding down his throat and that's when the girl noticed Jack was wearing just a simple shirt and pants today nothing fancy and that his shirt was mostly undone as if he didn't bother to button up. The moment she realized this she screamed, ranted and rave about Jack having no manners at all, before threw a chair at him and poor Jack just dodged the chair, chuckling some until he heard Glen walk in.

"What the hell is going on?"

"Oh hello, Glen, I was just entertaining Lotti. She's so fun to have around. I got this new stuff that's called "cereal" want to try some?" He asked. Glen nodded and took a seat at one of the chairs not up turned and looked to Lotti.

"You shouldn't sit on the ground. Grab that chair and place it right and sit down. Jack was nice enough to make us breakfast."

Lotti glared, ranted about how Jack was not nice and was just a playboy until she turned and caught Jack once more sensually nomming on the spoon. Lotti screamed.

"SCREW THIS! I'M GOING OUT!!!"

When the door slammed shut Glen looked to Jack and blinked.

"The hell was that about?" He asked, taking his bowl of cereal and a clean spoon -the one that was not being chewed on thoughtfully by Jack as if he were hamster.-

"I don't know. Women are complicated creatures," He said wisely, as if that simple statement held all the knowledge in the world. Glen merely snorted at this shook his head.

"_**You**_ are a complicated creature, Jack."

"True, but you wouldn't love me otherwise right?" He asked, grinning sweetly to him. The other just shrugged and resumed eating his cereal. It was chocolaty. He liked chocolate.

"Where did you get this stuff?"

"Oh some vendor," he said off handedly

"….Get some more next time you are out."

"As the master wishes," He chuckled before making his own bowl.

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**A/n: **FFFFFfffff--- hope you're happy Val! You killed my brains over this. However I'm also over my writer's block now so thank you for this. Got a challenge you'd like to me to do? Just drop me a line and I'll try to see what I can do. By the way you should review this story and tell me what you think, because I need feedback.


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